Saturday, March 16, 2013
Maybe it's the cooler weather. Maybe it's the fact that it's March and I'm beginning to sink into a routine. Maybe it's the lull between medication side-effects; a week of feeling calm and grounded and, just, well.
Maybe it's because I just finished reading Elizabeth Lesser's Broken Open and inhaled its wisdom deep into my soul. Maybe it's because I noticed that reading certain passages didn't make me ache in the core of my being, as it might have done twelve months ago.
Maybe it's because we've been doing a little nesting at chez nous. We finally bought a guard for our fire place. And a huge soft rug for our hearth. Maybe because it feels like this Winter is going to be a cosy, snuggly one.
Maybe it's the knowledge that evaporative cooling is going to be installed in our bedrooms on Monday. And while we may have missed this late Summer heat wave, it means that next Summer will be less harrowing.
Maybe it's because we are getting closer to our trip to New York and the reality of this is starting to blossom like the magnolias in our front garden.
Maybe it's because my husband is launching into two of the most stressful weeks of his working life, and I am making the conscious choice to make more space for him but also to stand closer.
Maybe it's because I don't have so many social engagements coming up. Just one concert and one comedy act and a dinner with my bff that has required a bit of rescheduling but I'm really looking forward to when we do finally manage to synchronise our calendars. Maybe I'm realising how much I love not doing as much, even though I find it hard to resist new experiences.
Maybe it's because I am finally starting to pick up books from the three piles next to my bedside table and read them.
Maybe it's I found a different way to walk home from my daughter's kindergarten the other day. And I saw succulents grow out of bathtubs and an elderly gent shuffle across the street wearing drab trousers and cheap shoes and the most flamboyant Hawaiian shirt fully buttoned except for a tiny bow holding the front two corners together.
Maybe it's because I have made some decisions about how and what I would like to eat, simply because I want to feel and look lighter. Maybe it's because, for once, I am doing a bit of research and finding inspiration and making some lists and not plunging in without preparation... or using a punitive approach. Maybe it's because, for once, I am excited about the idea of simpler and more mindful eating.
Maybe it's because I spent yesterday evening puttering around and suddenly noticed how present and spacious I felt, and how unusual and delicious that felt. And then realised that I hadn't picked up my iPhone or checked my twitter feed in almost twelve hours and how freeing that felt. Also, noticing that the television wasn't on so my husband and I weren't flaked out in front of it.
Maybe it's because I am not committed to any e-courses or programs or anything much at the moment. I did sign up for The Scintilla Project and I really do hope to contribute something before it ends (and I'm blown away by what I've read so far, seriously). But I'm not feeling inclined to put pressure on myself right now.
Maybe it's because of all of this stuff and maybe (in fact, very likely) this feeling is not going to last for long.
I'm loving it.