Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Start: right now
Right now, your brain might feel full to bursting. Right now, you might not know where to start.
Right now, you might be wondering how baking a lasagne could take an entire afternoon. Right now, you might be smiling because you forgot to add the secret ingredient to your béchamel sauce because you were interrupted too many times by a budding Batman-girl with detailed questions about how she might defeat Darth Vader.
Right now, little Batman-girl might be chatting to her dinosaurs in the bath while you tap out a blog post on your laptop. Right now, you might be conscious that if you leave the blog post any later you might not get around to it, or you might spend an entire evening on it at the expense of spending time with your husband... and neither of those things feels right.
But right now, you are exhausted from cramming activity into every available nook and cranny of your day.
Right now, you may be chewing over some game-changing questions. Questions such as Where is the ease in not knowing? And What invites an exhale? Right now, you may be frustrated that the answers to these questions are almost frighteningly clear... and that you seem to be avoiding them at all costs.
Right now, you may be on holidays. And right now, you may find that somewhat ironic.
Right now, you would be justified in wondering why you are not enjoying your holidays more. Although right now, you might also know -- in a deep almost cellular way -- that enjoyment is a loaded word and that happiness comes in many forms. Right now, you also may be open to the suggestion that enjoyment can diminish when there is an expectation that it should be present.
Right know, you can feel justifiably proud that you are showing up. Right now, it is perfectly safe to share that your task, your calling, your writing is progressing well. As you always knew it would.
Right now, you can also make space for the idea that how you spend your non-writing time really is up to you.
Right now, you know you have no choice but to surrender to the mystery of what is (or isn't) happening inside your body and what that might (or might not) mean for how the rest of your year pans out.
Right now, it is a good idea to listen to that prickle you feel when someone [albeit kindly] calls you a "hero" for going the extra mile. Right now, you cannot ignore that all those little extra miles are accruing in a way that feels deflating.
Right now, you see that you are still settling in to this skin. Right now, you know that it is still early days. Right now, you may even be able to accept that you will always feel slight panic that time is passing too quickly... because it is. Right now, you are wide awake to the fact that this glorious messy thing we call life is short.
Right now, you are wise to open your heart and your mind to -- at least -- the idea of more rest, and more play. Right now, your stumblings are held with grace and compassion. Right now, you are welcome to claim your status as a work in progress.
Right now, it's a good idea just to start.
Start where you are: right now.