Worthiness Wednesday #81: Jealous? Good!

I have just started five months of long service leave. I am going to spend this time writing my novel while my daughter is at kindergarten.

Please allow me to repeat myself:

I have just started five months of long service leave. I am going to spend this time writing my novel while my daughter is at kindergarten.

How much do you hate me now?

Judging by some of the responses I have received in mentioning the above two facts to friends, acquaintances and colleagues, there's a very high probability that you do hate me. Quite a lot.

Trust me, I am not writing this to gloat. Or rub your nose in it.

But if you do hate me right now -- or even if you have a tiny niggle in your gut that is envious, despite being genuinely happy for me -- then may I beg to suggest that that is a good thing?

Because if you are jealous, your spirit is trying to tell you something very important. Namely: this is something that you want to do. Actually: this is something that you need to do. Nay: this is something that you absolutely must do.

I could spend this post justifying taking leave, talking you through how much work it has been to negotiate, shine a light on all the things you don't see that are happening in my life, confide my secret fears. I could also share how awed and grateful and excited I am, in the hope that you'd join me in the space where optimism and goodwill meet. In fact, I probably will do most of these things over the course of the next five months.

But it occurs to me that to do all this would really be missing the point. Namely: this isn't about me.

Equally, you could spend your energy conjuring images of the "perfect" life that I lead, based on your extrapolations as to how "easy" I have it, and resent me on the basis of assumptions about my financial status/good luck/gumption. There's nothing I can do to stop you, and I'll still love you if you do all this (provided you do it in private... my skin ain't all that thick!).

But the thing is, it would be a waste of your energy. For one thing, I can pretty much guarantee that you'd be at least 99% wrong. Unless you are my sister or my best friend -- both of whom read this blog and both of whom know a lot about me and what my life is really like -- chances are you don't know all that much about me at all. Even if you've met me in person, visited my home, sampled my cooking (and survived!).

The point is: there are a billion things more useful you could do with your time and brainspace. The topmost of which is that thing which niggles you whenever I mention that I am about to live a lifelong dream.

Because there is the 100% pure and unadulterated truth: you deserve to live your dream too.

Let me say that again:

You deserve to live your dream too.

Your dream might also be to take some time off (paid!) and write the book you've always longed to write. It might be to lie on a beach in the Caribbean and have a daily pedicure and a special someone to make cocktails in your honour. It could be to open an Etsy shoppe or sell your cupcake creations at a farmers market or knit a scale model of the Tardis or have quintuplets or go back to school or win the Tour de France.

And I get it: it's not as simple as "just leaping into the great unknown", despite what many blogs and books and e-courses might tell you. Why do you think I have amassed enough long service leave to do this? I stuck in shitty jobs for years past their use-by date, because I was so afraid and risk-averse.

There could be a million years why you are not in a position to take that leap - or even that first step -- right now.

Just know that this hatred, this jealousy, this envy, this tiny twingy niggle: it's a vital sign of your heart's true desire.

It means that your dream is still alive. And it is waiting for you.

And it knows: you sure as hell deserve it.

Don't miss this opportunity to nurture that little ember. These chances are fleeting and precious, but often confronting and deflating, which serve to divert us from our true calling: to fan that tiny spark of life into a roaring flame when the time is right.

New to Worthiness Wednesday? Welcome! You can find the lowdown here and past editions here. You are invited to join the worthiness revolution in 2013.