My final reverberations (Part 1)

Day 22: Your most important gift?

What was the greatest gift you received in 2012? What was the greatest gift you gave? What do you intend to give yourself in 2013?

I received so many beautiful things in 2012, but I’d have to say that the one that jumps out at me – and is probably most relevant for #reverb12 – is the gift of hosting Blogtoberfest12. I was so blown away by the trust and encouragement my friend Cathy showed me, in asking me to babysit the beautiful festival she built, so that she could take some time out.

The whole experience encouraged me to step out of the shadows and take my blog to the next level: and really take pride in what I created. And this was the perfect platform from which to launch #reverb12. Both of these experiences, in turn, gave me the insight and confidence to make real plans for my offerings in the new year that feel so juicy.

So the gift that I received is evolving into the gift I am planning to give. Love.

As to the gift I intend to give myself in 2013? I can sum it up in four words: I am a writer.

Day 23: What will you let go of?

Name three excuses -- stories you tell yourself that are holding you back -- that you are going to let go of in 2013.

1. If the people I knew really knew the real me, they would laugh and snicker... and they would be right.

2. Everyone has already told the stories that I want to tell, and much better than I ever could: there is no room for me.

3. I am perennially doomed to be overweight and unattractive.

Day 24: The most important habit you will cultivate?

I intend to cultivate the habit of “ease” in 2013. I love the way Melody Ross calls this “going where the peace is”.

I want to slow down, do fewer things at one time. I want to build a gentle routine that incorporates shopping for healthy food, cooking, exercise, lots of sleep. I want to stop, periodically, and ask myself the question: What is my soul really hungry for right now? And sit and wait until I hear – really hear – the answer. I want to make myself a cup of tea and sit on my couch, and doing nothing more than gazing into the back garden for five quiet minutes.

But I also want to stay open to all the beautiful and powerful things that are happening for me right now, even if that sometimes brings me to a place that is the antithesis of all I have described above.

I want to practice faith that I know what I am doing but I also want to understand exactly what it is that I am doing. I already rely on my intuition quite heavily, but now I want to see the truth of my power, rather than glossing over it because it feels easy. I do have plans to try new things, but I also want to stop and honour the things I already do and am doing without thinking about it. I want to examine more closely my DNA, my habits, my innate skills, my deeply ingrained preferences.

In 2013, I am going to cultivate the habit of inhabiting my own life – however it looks and feels – right now.

Day 25: How will you be vulnerable?

Next year, how will you tend to your vulnerabilities? How will you build them a shelter from the storm? How will you put them through physical therapy? How will you find a way to make them work to your advantage?

I am going into the new year, armed with greater knowledge about my vulnerabilities. I know where they come from and why. And I know the situations that are likely to trigger them. But I also know the gifts that they bring me.

Without a doubt, my Achilles heel is my tendency to give myself a hard time when things go less than smoothly. I am responsible for everything and everything is my fault. I am naive, I am lazy, I am scattered, I am weak, I am stupid. And I hate myself... none of which makes course-correcting any easier!

These feelings are triggered when I am overcommitted and overtired, and especially when I am unwell. But they also seem to surface right at the moment when my star starts to shine brightly and everything is looking good for me. Somehow this crazy self-sabotage is even more distressing than the usual emotional self-flagellation.

Yes, I am working on strategies that will help me nip these things in the bud. Yes, I am getting stronger when it comes to mitigating the damage when these buttons are invariably pushes. But YES I know that these experiences have made me hyper-sensitive when I see a kindred beating herself up for being less than perfect. And it is from this place that my true life’s work is starting to be born.

Day 26: How will you make time?

How do you intend to carve out more time for the things that are the most important to you in 2013?

I am pretty good about making the most of the time that I have, being a hyper-organised multi-tasker and all! But carving out time, particularly for things that are important to me alone, presents a bit more of a challenge.

It has often occurred to me that it may be as simple as getting up earlier. But when that alarm goes off (or that little person tip-toes to my bedside) I am more likely to groan and roll over than bounce out of bed. But it is possible...

Then again, I could stay up later. My husband and I are early to bed and [somewhat] early to rise types of people. But the truth is, I never used to go to bed early. I adjusted my body clock when I met my husband, as he had to get up early for work. So, thinking this through, I reckon that with a bit of persistence, I could gradually adjust my body clock back again so as to take advantage of some quiet evening hours... provided I can balance my energy levels so that I am not tempted to flake out or get so keyed up that I can't sleep subsequently.

This beautiful piece by Mrs Mediocrity really inspired and awed me, and is the kind of situation that I aspire to.

Gently, gently, might be the path to this one.

Oh, and putting limits on my twitter time will surely help too.